A Case of a Cyber Relationship
By: Geo (November 18th, 2007)I met this brilliant guy at one of the camps organized by a leading organization working among students. After a talk on teen issues, he came to me wanting to discuss a few things. As always, I was careful to be as friendly and relaxed as possible so that he didn’t get uncomfortable, even faintly.
He said he was spending a couple of hours everyday on the Internet and he somehow wanted to reduce it drastically. He tried several means but failed. I asked him his principal activity on the Internet and he told me that it was emailing and chatting. He said, he was not at all performing well on the academic front and that he could not overcome temptations.
There was more that this young friend was hiding, than revealing. I needed a longer time with him so asked him he could spend some time with me, during the weekend, over a cup of coffee. When he agreed, I gave him the directions for the downtown café where I had called my friend a few days back for the long talk about the mobile phone. This place was getting into me. But I liked it because of the ambience and the possibility of sitting for a longer time than in other places. The owner was becoming a friend too.
Me: Hello young man. So did you check your mails and did you chat today?
Youth: Hello uncle. I had checked yesterday.
Me: So where do you go to check your mails?
Youth: Sometimes I go a cyber café near my home but mostly I browse from home.
Me: Oh, so you have a connection at home? Is it a dialup or a broadband?
Youth: Broadband. Dad uses it to check his office mails from home and then he has his friends and our relatives. Saturday evenings is social time on the Internet as dad connects with his brother and sister abroad and catches up with other cousins and friends. We sometimes have a Video Conference with them and it surely is a great facility. Technology has surely made an anticlimax of physical distances.
Me: So it’s a family affair on Saturday evenings? (Meanwhile I ordered for two Cappuchinos as the attendant had come to our table the third time)
Youth: The computer is kept is dad’s study room. Mom comes in occasionally in between her household chores; otherwise it is dad who keeps on with the virtual social get together.
Me: So when do you get time to do your mail checking and chatting young man. Has your dad given you the password?
Youth: Daytime. When dad is at work. When I want to browse, mom types in the password and allocates certain time for me, as directed to her by my dad.
Me: Hmmm. But you told me at the camp that you spend a couple of hours on the net! Your parents seem to be strictly monitoring your online activity. How come then that you spend so much time everyday?
Youth: Well that’s what I wanted to talk to you about. With some pocket money that I had saved over time, I got another account from the broadband service provider. So after I log out officially from dad’s account, I log in again through my account and continue the activity.
Me: Phew (the Cappuchino was hot, so was the discussion). That’s quite bold. Your parents have no clue about that?
Youth: No, so far they don’t because it goes from my pocket money (sipped the coffee). I keep working on the computer for long hours over schoolwork too, so they don’t suspect me.
Me: Cheater boy. I think this is unfair on your parents who trust you so much.
Youth: Yes surely uncle. I know it. That’s why I am talking to you. I think you will understand and will help me out too (looks at the coffee). This coffee is great. This place is cool.
Me: (smiling and acknowledging his compliment) I will try to help you young man. (I started murmuring a prayer to the Almighty to help me with this smart kid who was now stunning me by the minute). So after you log in into the other account, what do you do?
Youth: Sometimes I go chatting. Most times when I log in, my friends are not online. So I get into general chat rooms and there I have made several online friends.
Me: In open chat rooms? I have been there and I have yet failed to make a friend there!
Youth: Well uncle, it takes time but once it starts, it just adds on.
Me: So then what do you talk to these strangers?
Youth: We get acquainted. It’s interest on similar issues that start the chat. Then usually after sometime it diverts (he was getting in charge of the discussion by now).
Me: Explain.
Youth: Well uncle, the first thing that is asked as you enter these chat rooms is A/S/L. (Age/Sex/Location). This is the basic filter. Once a chat develops beyond this stage, it picks up. And it is usually the opposite genders that keep chatting for longer time.
Me: So you have online female friends.
Youth: Well, I have few. Actually it is more than few. Well uncle, they say they are females, but it is difficult to ascertain if they truly are females!
Me: I have read about this.
Youth: Well, on the net, if you say you are a male, most of the prospects will stop responding. So you have to say you are a female to at least start talking.
Me: So then young man, have you become a female to others?
Youth: Well, actually, yes. To a couple of them, I am still a female.
Me: You surely are going wrong mister (I was a little disturbed inside).
Youth: Yeah, I know. It’s a lie. Moreover, such respondents are only interested to talk certain topics and I want to confess these to you uncle. Moreover, its hued with unnatural tendencies as I know that the person I am chatting to is a guy. Though I started it for fun, I realized that I was getting into something disgraceful, in fact despicable.
Me: (hearing that was some relief) Let me tell you young man, you have shown enough boldness to open up this much also. Kids otherwise won’t reveal so much details. But now I suggest that you opt out of these things at the earliest, because I see that you are quite messed up.
Youth: Since my very young days, my deepest desire was to serve the Lord Jesus in his vineyard. And what I now am increasingly doing is severely hampering that dream and taking me further away from my God. I had to take a step to stop it. Let me tell you, its difficult.
Me: It sure is and will be difficult. Young man, you are involved in cyber relationships and that too, you are involved in them as a male and a female! This is as complex as it is absurd. Let me ask you something, straight off. Have you met any of these people actually, in person?
Youth: Something on those lines is being setup and we are expected to meet next week. The time and place has been decided. It is only the dress and other identification signs that still need to be finalized (the glass almost slipped from my hand at this stage).
Me: Phew mister, you are beginning to ferry into dangerous liaisons and territories. So what are your plans now? (I knew this guy was in trouble. I asked the Lord for grace)
Youth: Well uncle, I don’t want to do it. This person I am supposed to meet is supposedly a female and we have set up a date in one of the restaurants of this town.
Me: How far have you proceeded on this relationship, if I can call it that…
Youth: Yes, definitely. It’s a relationship. We have been chatting for many months now. We share almost everything about what happens to us through the day.
Me: (I had to take charge of the discussion now) You are in love! E-love (such a brutal warp to the greatest emotion)! Dear fellow, do you know something called emotional intercourse? When you get emotionally attached to someone so much, now what you are waiting for is only a physical opportunity in real time and then it will become a concretized premarital relationship. And you are already moving ahead in that direction. What you are already doing is as wrecking as any physical relationship. The Bible says, that he who joins with a woman, becomes one with her. Though you have not met her in person, you are now just waiting for an opportunity. Psychologically, mentally, and emotionally, you are already one with her. Now when you separate, it will surely be painful because both of you will take parts of the other person with you. God knows about the power of such a union and therefore he has sounded warning upon warning all over the bible. And we think, God is in the habit of shouting the same phrases through the ages. But he keeps reiterating them through the ages and through different people just because of the potential that the union of two human spirits has. You can compare it to be at par with nuclear fission and fusion (I myself was surprised by what I just said, but it was true, so I decided then and there that I would work on this idea). The energy levels released are phenomenal. We have to use this provision and gift of God very carefully and responsibly.
Youth: Yeah uncle. (he was not looking me in the eye anymore) I am really sorry for the way I have been. There is nothing that my God has not given me or my parents have withheld from me and the milieu at home is also quite harmonious other than the occasional disagreements that my parents have. I really am repentant of this shameful act.
Me: Dear one, some of you kids have made an excuse out of the conflicts at home to do whatever you want. Even if the environment at home were really bad, it would not be a license to do what you have been up to. No wonder your grades are suffering. No wonder you are struggling with temptations. With this kind of emotional promiscuity and the cover up that the electronic media provides, who will not venture to fulfill the cry of the flesh. But then we have examples of people from all over who are walking a triumphant walk in Christ Jesus our Lord despite all the overtures of the world and all its agents.
Youth: Yes, uncle, I want to be a victor and not a victim. I want to have a message and not be a mess. I want to shine and not whine.
Me: Amen. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Dear buddy, I am glad you have been so forthcoming. I am sure that the Holy Spirit initiated this work in you. Maybe someone is very dearly praying for you. You need to start immediately to work on yourself with some strict disciplinary action. There is no room for procrastination for you young man. You should start yesterday. Are you ready?
Youth: There are more details to this that I would like to reveal.
Me: (I interrupted) See dear fellow. I am not very interested in further details. I really appreciate all that you have revealed. I already know that you are in trouble and also that you sincerely are seeking a deliverance. That knowledge is enough for me. Shall I suggest some immediate actions?
Youth: Go ahead uncle. I am all ears.
Me: Can you arrange to put the computer in an open room where people are always there? Or else keep the monitor facing that side of the room where others can view it easily.
Youth: I think that can be done.
Me: Do it. It needs to be done. Secondly, make a covenant with the Lord that you will stop logging into the chat rooms and discontinue the cyber relationship. I know it is difficult. Have
you disclosed personal details to that girl? Like say, address or phone number or your school. Have you exchanged photographs?
Youth: We have been mainly communicating through emails. She doesn’t have my address or phone number. But she does know the area where I live.
Me: So far so good. What about photographs? Does she know the Lord Jesus?
Youth: We have surely have exchanged photos. And yes, I have surely told her about the Lord Jesus. She does know my convictions but I don’t think she bothers too much about those topics.
Me: Even if she were a believer, nothing changes the other facts. You have to stop it now if you want to be right with the Lord. Are you having second thoughts?
Youth: It’s not that. I am just scared of myself. I don’t trust myself. I may get emotional today and make a covenant with the Lord that I may break in a week’s time. I don’t want to get into that situation where I have broken another covenant with the Lord.
Me: You are justified in your fears young man. Since you have told this to me, I will keep asking you. You can also talk to someone else you meet up with regularly, who knows about these things and is able to strengthen you and support you to help you come out of it. If he were a believer friend it would be great. I overcame many of my youth related struggles with the help, prayer and support of godly friends.
Youth: That is a rare find uncle. Godly friends are hardly to be found.
Me: Come on. They are there. God always provides us with friends around us. They are out there, around you. Search for them. Pray to God to give you good friends. And then young man, another secret is, flee. Whenever you get a gut feeling that you might sin, flee the situation. Flee from that place. Search immediately for the door of escape that God always keeps open. We do not face situations that are uncommon to man.
Youth: Yep. I will have to resolve.
Me: Get involved in godly activities. Get busy with bible studies and discussions with godly men. The Word of God helps us to resist sin. Pray when ever and how much so ever that you can. A praying man will stop sinning and a sinning man will stop praying. Keep that in mind. Never miss fellowships even when you don’t feel like going there. It’s actually when you least expect that God does something special. So make sure that you surely make it to a meeting where you are least wanting to go.
Youth: Uncle, lead me in a prayer. It’s time that I take a stand for God.
The times in the coffee shop were becoming life changing and memorable. I thanked God for that time. As I prayed for grace and strength for the young man, we also blessed the café. We dispersed from that place with the peace and joy of the Lord filling our hearts. I was looking forward to many more sittings in this café, and touching people’s souls. Why should I not call it Soul Café?
Tags: cyber relationships, cyber sex, e-love, e-relations, Soul Cafe