A Case of a Metro-city Teen
By: Geo (November 18th, 2007)It was evening and I had to walk back home and rush to a meeting in the evening. However, the café owner held me back. I didn’t want to lose an opportunity to at least make a better acquaintance with him hoping that perhaps he would offer me a regular discount, whenever I came there in the future. He asked me about my vocation and why my apparent subjects were always youngsters. Now, he was the owner of the café and it had mostly youths frequenting it but yet, surprisingly, he expressed that they were the most difficult age group to understand. I gathered that he was possibly struggling with a troubled teen in his own household and bingo. When I asked him about it, he told me about his son, who according to him, was going through, a teenage crisis. He was not studying and was becoming progressively more rebellious with each passing day.
Now it happened so that this young man was going to come to the café in a few minutes and the café owner wanted me to spend some time with him. I was getting late but realizing that this was seemingly more pressing (now not in the hope of a regular discount but because I was looking at a helpless father), I volunteered to surely try to talk to him. But deep inside, I was only expecting a total washout.
He was about 15 years old and he walked in with a lot of confidence, as if he owned the place, and surely he did. He was tall and had the characteristic expressions of a typical metro city teenager. He was handsome and fair and as he spotted me at the counter with his father, almost immediately, his eyes vaguely expressed their indifference towards me. I said to myself, ‘You have won the first round youngster, but I am not the one to give up’.
After his father introduced me to him and gave him a brief of my profession, he was willing to tolerate me for a short time, ‘till his gang turned up’.
We took a nearby seat and this time the café owner ordered the food and drink and I relaxed in front of this young man. His eyes were constantly scanning through the café and I knew why. The place was reverberating with the heady beat of youth. It took some time for him to open up to me but I was a little surprised that he was opening up fast. He was looking for some help and perhaps, I said perhaps, he was seeing it in me or maybe he was just trying to measure me. After some initial introductions, this is what transpired….
Me: Tell me, what is the most uncontrollable thing for a young man like you?
Teen: Ha, What a question. Don’t you have anything else to ask?
Me: I have, but you are a ‘poster boy’ and life, people, and things maybe be very demanding on you I guess and so I asked so…
Teen: Hmmm…ok… You really think I am all that? Maybe you are right…Well…Lots of things. In the current setting of things, almost everything is making me lose control. But what is the need for any control? Who cares?
Me: It seems that there is no need of any control, but just imagine if our earth were spinning without control and how unpredictable would be the length of days and coming of seasons and lot many things. Or for that matter, imagine a traffic signal without control.
Teen: Hey, what are you trying to say?
Me: Control is elementary, be it for nature, or the society, or for individuals. Without principles to guide or without control, our universe only tends to plummet into disorder. This is with reference to the Second Law of Thermodynamics.
Teen: Physics never interested me. Only physique interests me. (he smiled).
(I had to smile and admit that he was quick witted but he had just allowed me a small peep into his world but I also realized that he would perhaps dominate the discussion)
Teen: See sir, things have changed a lot, fashion has changed a lot, media has changed a lot, the exposure is much more and in the middle of all this, control? Your question ‘what is the most uncontrollable thing for a teenager?’ makes no sense to me.
Me: I admit that it makes no sense to a happy-go-lucky person. But I hope you understand that I say it with the backdrop of the deduction that control is essential and yet it is missing. It is particularly missing in what a teenager is doing to and with his body.
Teen: Of course, it is his/her body where he has absolute freedom. I hope you will also remember your teen years and agree that this is the age when we have so much happening inside and outside our bodies that everything already looks out of control. Add to it new found revelations about the realities of this world and the world of possibilities that opens up before us ‘one fine morning’ and add to that the kind of exposure of data of all kinds that screams for attention all around us in the media, on the roads, in the multiplexes and joints. It is very difficult.
(I gulped. I was for a moment feeling like the counselee. I mean this guy was well read and had thought about many of these things and had very proficiently justified his worldview)
Teen: And then there are a stream of articles that appear on almost all subjects under the sun, preaching on the do’s and dont’s and adding to the psychological and emotional pressure on us. The other day, I read an article on something as very unfussy as masturbation and incredibly, they were projecting it as a social evil! I was shocked. I mean, masturbation to me is the most harmless expression of a teen and it harms no one. To me, it is just like a physical workout. I mean, why don’t these preachers of morality think about alleviating lack of education and sanitation and print articles to create more awareness on poverty and other urgent social issues and why make such a hue and cry about what a teenager does when he is alone. I mean, you may speak about even various other issues that teens get involved in, but masturbation is so undamaging, undisruptive and risk-free.
(I was in a tight spot and a cloud of gloom was descending on me and all I wanted for a split of a second was ‘rapture’. I prayed a silent prayer and gathered my ammunition.)
Me: Does not a teen often (not all times) feel guilty after the act of masturbation? Why does he feel he should not have done it?
Teen: We have been trained and brought up that way to feel so. That’s the reason.
Me: Has anyone ever told you that it is wrong and you should stop it?
Teen: Well no, but I can definitely deduce it from other moral requirements pushed down my throat on an array of issues.
Me: Do you feel proud about the act after doing it?
Teen: What’s there to be proud about or be sad about? It’s done for “pleasure”. After that end is achieved, one should think about the next thing and move on. What’s this about guilt and proud and sad?
Me: (He was winning every round but I was not going to be knocked down). Can one indulge in it without entertaining fantasies? I mean tell me frankly, don’t the fantasies get wilder and wilder and nastier and nastier and don’t they have to become more and more raunchy and gross to give the same amount of pleasure?
Teen: So what?
Me: (That got over fast!!) Is it not an objectifying of the ladies, some of whom maybe your friends or relatives?
Teen: Well… there are times when the fantasies get too wild but then, I am actually not harming anybody or actually doing these supposedly wild or what was that word….Ronch!!…what was it….
Me: Raunchy….
Teen: Yes….I am not actually doing those Raunchy things… so I think it is ok.
Me: (Was the air conditioner switched off? Why was I feeling hot? Why was I perspiring?) Don’t you have difficulty facing these people and being normal in front of them after having entertained fantasies about them to such degrees? Also young man, let me tell you something more. When you entertain thoughts and fantasies of that nature again and again, you will get desensitized and you will reach a level of tolerance in your mind where you are now just awaiting an opportunity to indulge in it. You are not doing it, just because of fear or lack of opportunity. And if it comes to that, you will certainly fall in that opportunity, thus falling in your own eyes and in the eyes of the other person and everybody else.
Teen: Maybe Yes. Maybe No. We will have to see when it comes to that. Sir, are you trying to corner me into a decision? Let me tell you, you are wasting you time. I am out to live my life on my own terms and I have already thought about many of these things and so I am quite okay about these issues.
Me: Does this act control you or do you control it?
Teen: Of course, we are in control of it.
Me: In that case, can you then stop it any day you want to?
Teen: Why should I stop it? And yes, if I want to, I can stop it any day. But as of now, I don’t see a need for it.
Me: Ok, just tell me one more thing. Hasn’t the choice of stimulation become more and more bizarre and don’t you see yourself getting addicted to different kinds of pornographic materials that again have an increasing degree of intensity. Hasn’t this habit made you do funnier and funnier things with the passage of time? And tell me what if your parents come to know about it.
Teen: I think they already know. (I gulped at his impudence) But yes, it may look like getting funnier and nastier and whatever, but to me, its all an adventure and look sir, everyone should follow the voice of his heart and try out everything that his heart desires at least once during this life time.
Me: So you don’t have a concern about lust and the way your mind is working?
Teen: NOT A BIT. NOT EVEN FOR A SECOND. (he was very assertive).
Me: What do you think God would feel about it? (it was my last attempt to turn things around)
Teen: God who?
Me: Yes God, the creator. Can you pray to him with a clear mind? Can you impart some good values into someone else when you yourselves have no control or limit over what you are doing?
Teen: That’s it sir. I am no longer interested in this talk. I told you that you are wasting your time.
He spotted his gang and just walked off without waiting to show normal courtesies. His dad gave me a sad and crushed look. I was absolutely floored and humiliated. I didn’t have any arguments to counter someone who had no fear of God or no regard for men? How can anyone have any arguments for such a person? These people have to be left alone and the only hope is prayer.
A few of the readers of this story maybe very impressed by the smart answers of the teenager. But that does not change the truth a bit. Masturbation is a not an option for a follower of Jesus Christ because of its source, its consequences and the baggage. It is rooted in lust, accompanied by acts of lewdness and profanity and takes the person away from God and into deeper and deeper levels of sinful activity. If not checked, masturbation can really mess up a person’s life. It kills his prayer life and destroys his testimony. It smothers his conscience and clouds his vision and purpose. It also makes him abuse, disregard and put down God’s creation.
‘Soul Café’ was not always going to bring back sweet memories of lives changed and decisions taken. It was really frustrating. I still had time to make up for the meeting, even if I had one more coffee and so I ordered for it. The owner of the café put that too on the house. But I was not thinking about all that any more. I was really hurt by my inability to convince the young man to even start thinking about changing his ways, let alone his life. I took a small break in the middle of the coffee to use my ultimate recourse. I prayed. I prayed for the situation and for the young man. I prayed for his father and that family. After all, that was all that I could do now. After that prayer, I was more at peace. I could not convince the young man with my arguments, but that didn’t give me a reason to get hurt. That was absolutely within his free will and since God honors that, I needed to honor it too. Everyone does not have to accept all that I say. Yes, there are things that I too need to learn. The salvation of a man was more an urgent need of God than it was mine. I cannot take up God’s work. I can only partner with him. I decided to pray for him. It was definitely not the last time I was coming to the ‘Soul Café’. Many more exciting events were in store and very soon.
Tags: masturbation, metro-city teens, metrosexuals, modern teens, teens