Blog@GraceJunction

Dear Sarita,

I am writing this letter which I am sure has come as a surprise to you. But it definitely would have brought back memories of our college days when we would exchange letters, I wish I had some of them with me today to read. But those carefree days when we would hold our hands and walk through the park, those tasty kulfis which we would relish and long nights where I would keep reading those letters and keep dreaming well in to the night.

Another reason I am writing is that I could not bear to listen to your voice on the phone, it is too painful for me, I still remember when you would keep calling just to persuade me to give our marriage another chance, but I believe I was blinded by the beauty of my colleague then to reconsider my decision to go through a divorce. But I guess it is now too late to think on those issues.

Had met Reshma the other day and she was telling me how you are struggling to keep pace with our son’s rapidly changing lifestyle, well after all he is my son. But I was sad to listen about his alcohol addiction and fledgling studies, I just wish I had spent some more time with him in his formative years when he would come running to me to show his drawings and scribbles but then I was too busy with my career to notice those things.

Well things are not too great here as well, our daughter has grown big and I had to learn it the hard way. Just a couple of days back, she had called me up to say that she hated me for how I was, as a father. She said that now she has found the love of her life and she was leaving India forever. My persuasions fell on deaf ears but I guess if you were here you could have had a profound effect on her and her decisions. She kept struggling to cope up with my new marriage, tears wet her pillow on those lonely nights when I went to check on her, I guess being torn apart from you and her tiny brother had taken a toll on her. She had become a rebel.

Well my second marriage and the legal wrangle have left me poorer both emotionally and financially. She was there just to eat away on my resources. I could not help comparing her selfish nature to your love and caring. But my career and work kept me going until one fine day the newspapers said that my company was hit badly by the global crisis and it was true, when I reached my office they had already issued the marching orders to many of the employees, including me.

Can you believe it, I loved my company, I became an achiever there and I craved for that success and gave them the best years of my life and now they don’t want me? Ironically, I still remember how I had brought that Blackberry and would be too busy crunching numbers and data with my boss, even on that only holiday we spent together, you and the children would keep waiting for me to stop it and join you on the joy rides, well these days I have all the time but when I look for all three of you, you were not there.

How time has come a full circle, I don’t know what life is going to do to me and neither do I have the courage to face it. This I guess would be my last letter to you and by the time it reaches you, I would have snuffed the breath out of myself.

I am sorry, but nothing I did all my life has filled the ever widening vacuum in my heart!

Roshan.

Tags: divorce, Suicide

This entry was posted on Wednesday, June 11th, 2008 at 8:28 pm and is filed under Letters, Marriage, Navin, Purpose of Life, Relationships, Society, Thoughts, Troubles & Problems, Workaholic, Youth Issues. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.