Blog@GraceJunction

‘Love Marriage’ is perhaps unheard of for some of our readers! In India, there used to be a time when almost all marriages were ‘Arranged Marriages’ wherein the parents chose the bride and the groom, at the time they thought apt and got their children married. Often, the couple would never have met before the marriage, and some times only for a brief time. But there were some bold couples who decided things for themselves and got married, often without the blessings of the elders, mostly because they were from different faiths, financial or social status, or castes. These marriages were called ‘Love Marriages’. These couples were often ostracized and abandoned and such a move was branded as unacceptable.

However, ‘Love Marriages’ now-a-days are neither strange nor unacceptable nor uncommon. Even the parents promote ‘Love marriages’, provided they see that the boy and the girl are fit for each other. It can perhaps be said that the balance of the society (at least Indian) has been retained because of ‘Love Marriages’ and ‘Arranged Marriages’.

Love Marriage was misunderstood and wrongly perceived. They were often predicted to be doomed for a failure. And many times, they were proved right too, because the couple not only fought with the entire society but also had to at the same time work on their inter-relationship and then face life realities too, often alone, and just by themselves. However, where the couple understood and recognized the elements in their characters, and developed right relationship and also strengthened the love between them, the best family on the earth was made possible.

I should say, this is a fact that is true not just for Love marriages. Love marriages or arranged marriages, sustainable relations are the most important factor determining the well being and happiness inside the marriage.

Thinking patterns have changed, life style has changed and level of education has surely increased, so Love marriages are accepted, but still not fully. Now, though ‘Love marriages’ are more accepted today than ever before, the emerging trends across the nation is very disturbing. More and more couples, even those who have had ‘Love marriages’ are breaking up! Why?

Love marriages are not limited to any religion, caste, class, race or status. Therefore there are many more factors and variables that the couple has to encounter daily while they interact with each other. However, where love is in the center of the marriage, where love has encompassed every difference, Love marriage has sustained and often proven sweeter and happier.

Now all have heard that ‘Love is blind’. But why should we blame the ‘Love’? This saying has gained recognition because of us, people, who have made ‘Love’ look blind. In any relationship, where there is no synthesis between mind and heart, it is very difficult to understand ‘Love’. When ‘Lust’ and body take over, the scene becomes murky and I feel it wouldn’t be right to pronounce that as ‘Love’. Rather it is only delusion in the name of ‘Love’ wherein so called lovers are not ready to see that they are blind!

It is also important to accept that the family environment and how the boy and the girl have been brought up inside families plays a very vital part in determining why they behave as they do, and do as they do!

Overall family environment, relationship of parents with children, level of growth of children in the relationship with the father and mother, neighboring environment et cetera are some factors playing crucial roles. It moulds the psychology of the young ones. When parents do not provide essential attention to their children, children try to seek love and compassion from outside and often ‘fall’ in love. When children enter these new relationships, they feel, they achieved everything and start to believe that this is the only ‘True Love’ for them.

Now, when parents come to know of such relationships of their children, most often than not, they fiddle with the emotions and feelings of their children, also making every effort to control them. As a result, new situations arise that may be more harmful or shocking.

Though there maybe several positive aspects in the ‘couple in love’, parents sometimes do not allow their children to get married due to fear of loosing respect and status in the society. They fear the whispering of people in the society.

Due to all these reasons, good and model ‘Love marriages’ have hardly been possible.

I think parents should identify the positive and possible characteristics of both individuals (a boy and a girl) that may be meaningful for both the families and helpful to make the marriage life happy. The couples who have succeeded will tell you that ‘Love marriages’ do not succeed by saying “I love you” and then getting married, but there is much more.

Today, the word “Love” has been made cheap. In the name of ‘Love’, the young slip into apparently worthless and often strange relationships. We read in the news papers, 60 years old man/woman married 20 years old woman/man, and then man marrying man and woman marrying another woman, and the issue of adoption in their marriages et cetera et cetera. I think, there are certain basic minimum levels that have to be conformed to, even in ‘Love Marriages’! You and I cannot list those things, but it’s a common agreement that society as a whole can come to. When this level gets imbalanced, the society faces many consequences, often grave.

Any kind of a marriage, the inter-relationship is crucial. Even in the ‘Arranged marriages’, many women are killed for dowry; women are forsaken because of not giving birth to a boy child, women are harassed physically and mentally, women are forced to commit suicide!

It doesn’t matter whether it is a ‘Love’ or an ‘Arranged marriage’; true, sincere and genuine relationship alone makes the difference in the married life and the major ingredients necessary to keep the relationship holy, chaste, sincere, genuine and long lasting are: First, love, Second, forgiveness, Third, dedication   and  Fourth, acceptance.

Marriage is not just to fulfill physical needs or to continue the genealogy, rather its a wonderful plan of GOD. It is an institution that has been established by GOD in the human society.

At the same, without love, a good healthy married life is not possible. Generation after generation, one crucial understanding needs to be retained that: “Love is not the product of human body; Love is a gift from GOD”.

Nobody can truly and properly define love on this earth except GOD. We have to experience that love from GOD and also apply it to our married life.  

Tags: Arranged Marriage, Love Marriage

This entry was posted on Friday, May 23rd, 2008 at 11:20 am and is filed under Marriage, Pre-marital sex, Relationships, Religions, Richard, Society, Stress, Thoughts, Trends, Troubles & Problems, Women's Issues, Youth Issues. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.