PORNSTEIN
By: Navin (August 6th, 2009)
Dear Cathy,
I want to tell you my story before you decide to marry me. I don’t want to keep you in the dark about who I am because I feel it would be shocking and painful for you when you know this after our marriage.
I was born in to a rich family and both my parents were doing well with their careers. Dad was an investment banker and mother was a doctor. So there was never any need in life except the need to be loved. Both of them stayed extremely busy, for them to spend some time with me. I was always taken care of by a nanny who would be enjoying the delicacies in the fridge while I would be in my room, surrounded by battery run toys and stuffed animals for company.
When I was in school, I got my first real friend in life. I liked him because he shared the same loneliness that I was going through. I was in my 6th grade when we boys got together to discuss the most important question that we faced in our lives and that was about how children were born. I had some strange ideas and so did the others, but my best friend knew everything that we ever needed to know. He gave us a shocker when he explained to us for the first time from his encyclopedia, the biological process involved in it. That was a real eye-opener.
But that was just the beginning, we wanted to know and see more of that. My friend was more than glad to help. One day he brought with him some magazines which carried some explicit photographs of the ‘Act’. And that really got me hooked to porn. Everyday my friend would bring new magazines to school and I would keep flipping through those pages during recess time and then the physical education class and toilet breaks and sometimes even when the teacher had turned his back to us. Although some of the pictures were very disgusting but overall it got me excited and ‘addicted’.
Slowly I was not getting restricted to school, I was watching and hunting for porn in my personal computer as parents hardly had any idea what I was storing there. I wanted it all the time and it was taking my mind off studies and keeping me in a different world. I was falling for it day in and day out. It slowly began to take me on a guilt ride every time I was asked by my parents to go to church. I would begin to make excuses and then somehow manage to stay away from anything related to ‘God’. Because the messages and the words spoken from the pulpit pricked and I thought that this was all for the ‘super-holy’ and not for me. Even the magazines told me that it was normal for a teenager to react like this, it’s just the hormones taking over!
When I was in my late teens I had started watching more explicit porn because the same old porn was no more enough. So I went to get the most popular XXX rated movies and the some of the stuff that would earlier make me disgusted. But now they were just par for the course and it had almost become like having alcohol and being addicted to it. I could not do without it.
After college I joined a company and work took over. But this habit never left me but it was no more like the old days. There was nothing that excited me anymore and I began to think that I had become mature and balanced in my approach. But the devil in me was not dead because now I was looking out for some real stuff, some real victim!
One day I was returning from work and I was on a lonely road. It was dark and no traffic. I saw a ‘ragpicker’ girl and my demonic mind took over. I thought to myself ‘Billy, this is your day’. My mind worked faster and sharper. I offered her money and food and got her in to the car. I took the car to a lonely place and then raped her. Yes, that’s true. I dumped her on the road and that incident just made me bolder and from that day I have been frequently getting involved with prostitutes and every unsuspecting victim.
Today, I was feeling very depressed and I just felt like taking out the Bible. I dusted it and I was reading it. It took me to a passage which said ‘For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander.’ Then I looked at myself in the mirror, I could not find the innocence that God had built in me. I don’t know how and why? But I prayed to God if he would restore it back in me.
Billy.
August 9th, 2009 at 11:26 am
It was really an eye opener what sin can do.
August 9th, 2009 at 11:27 am
it was really an eye opener and i thank god he has saved me from many danger s
December 31st, 2009 at 12:14 pm
It is not an exaggeration to say this somewhere or the other most of the children, teenagers, adults suffer through a miserable time at this stage of their life when they un-knowingly indulge into such an act of viewing or doing it. A comes when many of these lose their ability to think in a heathier manner, they lose as well waste themselves like this causing trouble for the people around them.
I just personally feel that such people need love, care, forgiveness and prayers to carry out themselves out of their shamful and contemptful life, to make them feel that they are accepted and forgiven by the the people around them. It is quiet difficult for the people to forgive them who become victim to the wrath, pleasure and cruelity; but God provides all these people the strength and courage to come out of it and forgive them.
In the coming times all this is going to be the story of several people because the evil one will be doing all possible things to take away the world from God. It is all about in the gap and praying and trying to restore back these people to God.